Bermuda
by violet-phoenix-rose
Summary: Gomez decides to take the family on a cruise to Bermuda. Rating is precautionary.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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"Wednesday! Pugsley!" Gomez Addams called to his children. "I have news!"

"Can I finally get a real guillotine?" thirteen-year-old Wednesday asked as she sauntered into the room.

"No, darling, not till you're sixteen," Gomez answered, "but you're on the right track. Think of fun things."

"Fencing lessons?" Pugsley asked, confused as usual. At the age of twelve, he was nothing more than Wednesday's favorite human punching bag.

"Like he'd trust YOU with a sword," Wednesday muttered just loud enough for Puglsey to hear.

"No, it's even better than that," Gomez finally said. "Your mother and I have been talking, and we've decided it might be fun for us all to take a cruise to Bermuda."

"Is the Triangle on the list?" Wednesday asked curiously.

"At the end," Gomez said, "which sounds like the best ending for a vacation."

"How long is the cruise?" Wednesday asked, trying to send her father The Look. Every female with a brain has a Look, and Wednesday's was of the Death Stare variety.

"Ten days, with the Triangle on the ninth." Gomez's pacientce was wearing thin - Wednesday was acting unusually intense, and intense for her would be frightening on a normal child.

"Lovely." Wednesday was clearly being sarcastic. "We have to spend over a week with normal people."

"Nonsense, Wednesday - they're not normal, they're tourists!"

"Even worse. Not only are they normal, but they'll have cameras and try to use their photographs of Pugsley as proof of the Missing Link."

"Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday," Morticia sighed, gliding down the front staircase. "Haven't you always wanted to learn how they can stand themselves?"

"Unless this is a suicide cruise," Wednesday muttered, "I don't think I'll get to find out."

"It'll be fun, darling," Morticia sighed. "I still remember going on a cruise when I was two years older than you - wearing my best black gown, dancing with any boy who'd take me, pushing the ones who wanted more off the edge and into the cold, dark sea..."

"Enough, Morticia," Gomez interjected. "It isn't like Wednesday needs to know that."

"I got carried away, darling," Morticia said as she gilded out. "Fond memories..."

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A/N: Hopefully this works. Please read and review!


	2. Chapter 2

"What is THIS?" Wednesday asked, pulling a black THING out of one of her mother's shopping-bags the next day.

"It's a swimsuit, darling," Morticia said, trying to fend off Wednesday's curious nature.

"And it's legal to wear this in public?" Wednesday snapped. Indeed, against her better judgement, Morticia had bought her daughter a bikini.

"It's called a bikini, Wednesday. All the girls your age wear them." Morticia didn't quite see why Wednesday disliked the thing - it was black and the right size, so what problem could there be?

"Since when did I do what normal girls do?" Wednesday said, more sarcastic than ever before.

"I know you don't, darling, but I figured you might want to try it for once."

"The only way I'll wear that thing in public is if I get a guillotine after the trip."

"No, Wednesday, remember what we've said about that..."

"I don't care - no guillotine, no horrible swimsuit." Wednesday had very little control over her parents, so this was almost funny - ALMOST.

"Well then, I suppose you won't be swimming," Morticia sniffed.

"Yeah, because swimming is the whole reason we're going on this cruise," Wednesday muttered. "Don't worry, I'll have plenty of fun - WITHOUT getting wet."

Wednesday's idea of fun, Morticia decided after leaving the room, was exactly what the poor people running the cruise needed to be worried about.

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"Dad, can I learn to scuba-dive?" That may well have been the first intelligent question Pugsley Addams ever asked, and at the rate his sister was going, it would probably be his last.

"Why would you want to learn that?" Gomez asked. "It's risk-free, Pugsley - tanks and skin-suits, all the protective stuff one could wish for... Who would want that?"

"But Dad, Wednesday says if I don't take up swimming by Day Six, she'll use me as shark bait, and it sure sounded like she meant it."

"In that case, maybe you should learn diving." Gomez decided that it was high time for Pugsley to learn useful things, and defending himself against Wednesday was high on that list.

"Thanks, Dad," Pugsley said, running out of the room. This was going to be a lot of fun.

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A/N: Please review, and thank you to everyone who has. Next chapter should be up a few days after New Year's, unless I squeeze one more in before Christmas.


	3. Chapter 3

Three days later, it was time to leave for the cruise. The Addams family was supposed to arrive at the airport at 9:15 AM, and they got there on the dot. Checking their suitcases went well; security was another matter. As one can probably assume how much damage that would incur, we shall simply skip that section of their journey.

The airplane trip was also uneventful. It was a five-hour flight, which drove Pugsley mad - he wasn't much of an airplane person. Wednesday, however, spent the whole flight looking out the window. "It's so fascinating," she said, and her parents did a double take. Wednesday, saying something normal? They dismissed it as an effect of the airplane.

After exiting the Miami airport, they took a taxi to the place where they would board the S.S. Majesty...

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A/N: Really short, but I didn't think there was much to tell. Next chapter will be the first one on the Majesty. As always, please review.


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